Commitment

A few months ago, I was appointed as a leader for something. I was very enthusiastic with the new commitment. Planning every single thing I could. Being idealistic, as always.

However, to the least of my expectation, my very appointment was first met with criticism.

Criticism and pessimism.

Criticism and negativism.

I will not deny those who congratulated, as well as those who presented themselves with encouragements and supports upon the appointment.

Unfortunately, when criticisms were the first that came before everything else, it outweighed anything else.

 

The feeling inside

The feeling inside

 

I lost my confidence. Afraid of making any decision.

I lost my self esteem. Worried about what people think of what I do.

I lost my focus.

 

A fiery idealist has now become a timid mouse.

Then, I ended up thinking too much about this. Thinking about the criticism. Because that was the first to come. 

Thinking too much that I forgot what I was supposed to do. I knew perfectly that I should not be that weak, but I am a normal mankind, with hearts and feelings. Plus, I take everything around me seriously. Although it always does not look so. But I do. I firmly believe I do.

1 week. Nothing.

2 week. Nothing.

Until I was reminded about it. But everything was too late for I have lost my focus and enthusiasm. 

Then something came to me. Something else that enabled me to get away from such burden. I chose that. For I believe, to rebegin without criticism is best for me. For I know myself better than anyone else would.

I should have comforted my heart with prostration to God, but I did not. 

That made me regret it.

6 comments so far

  1. iFearALLAH on

    salam wbt,

    to a nice friend i hardly know,

    allow me to share my very own ‘2 cents’ opinion,
    to me leadership is often thought or even taught that it requires a person to be very pushy, aggressive and must stand out amongst any possible competition.A leader is not necessarily any better, smarter, or more skilled than others. A leader does however, have influence and impact with others.You don’t have to give up any bit of your personality to be leader, you can be a leader in your very 0WN way.have faith in urself friend coz Allah does.

    dear friend,keep your fears to yourself, but share your inspiration with others.hv a brave heart.take ur time.pray hard for ur strength.be a better muslim by day.May the blessings of Allah be upon you n keep u in the right path. u surely will pass this critical n hard time well with Him.wishing n praying u all the best !

    as quoted:
    The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. (Elbert Hubbard)

    • akmalamri on

      salam wbt

      terima kasih tak terhingga buat yang menulis. tulisan dan isi yang sangat meruntun jiwa. sungguh terkesan hati ini membaca setiap nasihat.

      semoga anda sentiasa istiqamah di sana, terutamanya dengan taklifan yang sungguh berat, baik di dunia mahupun di akhirat.

      wallahualam

      • iFearALLAH on

        insyaAllah ameen.terima kasih.
        anda juga.

  2. Nazri Awang on

    Wahahaha…Akmal emo?? muahahaha

  3. Zaytuna Institute on

    Hm,

    Don’t know if that entry has anything to do with me or not.

    But if it does, man, I’m lucky I’m your second-in-command – hence leaving you to carry all the burden.

    I don’t mean it that way, of course.

    Whatever it was, people only know how to criticize. The very reason they can criticize is because they don’t have to do it themselves. Hence they have the leeway, the seeming authority to point out anything that went wrong patronizingly. Of course, they have the right to criticize, and people learn a lot from criticisms, but that is not the point I wish to address here.

    People might be unappreciative. Whatever we planned and did can get botched and disastrous. Anything happened, the angels are always making the records, Allah is always aware and He never forgets. If we trust that it is only He that decides whether we deserve His forgiveness and grace, who cares what other puny human beings think about? Duhh.

    Anyway, at the very least, you got the experience (which those who criticized you did not have the privilege to savour) that makes you more of a man. And that is only the very least – I’m sure you’d have gained a lot more than simply that, insyaAllah.

    Regards.

    -AY-

  4. akmalamri on

    Panjang nye reply. Tak tidur la ni. Lek la. Exam satu paper je. Hehe…

    Jazakillahu khayr atas respons. I would reserve my comment.

    p/s: was wondering mamat/minah dari US mana la datang respons tengah2 malam buta waktu UK ni. tapi tengok IP address, umph. xde la jauh mana pun. 2 hours drive je. hehe


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