A few months ago, I was appointed as a leader for something. I was very enthusiastic with the new commitment. Planning every single thing I could. Being idealistic, as always.
However, to the least of my expectation, my very appointment was first met with criticism.
Criticism and pessimism.
Criticism and negativism.
I will not deny those who congratulated, as well as those who presented themselves with encouragements and supports upon the appointment.
Unfortunately, when criticisms were the first that came before everything else, it outweighed anything else.
I lost my confidence. Afraid of making any decision.
I lost my self esteem. Worried about what people think of what I do.
I lost my focus.
A fiery idealist has now become a timid mouse.
Then, I ended up thinking too much about this. Thinking about the criticism. Because that was the first to come.
Thinking too much that I forgot what I was supposed to do. I knew perfectly that I should not be that weak, but I am a normal mankind, with hearts and feelings. Plus, I take everything around me seriously. Although it always does not look so. But I do. I firmly believe I do.
1 week. Nothing.
2 week. Nothing.
Until I was reminded about it. But everything was too late for I have lost my focus and enthusiasm.
Then something came to me. Something else that enabled me to get away from such burden. I chose that. For I believe, to rebegin without criticism is best for me. For I know myself better than anyone else would.
I should have comforted my heart with prostration to God, but I did not.
That made me regret it.